About Having a Child with a Disability

Welcome to Holland

By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning for a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland!!!" you say. "What do you mean Holland!!! I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they've haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you can catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Celebrating Holland - I'm Home

Cathy Anthony - parent

I have been in Holland for over a decade now and it has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned. I reflect back on when I first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, and the pain and uncertainty. In those first few years I tried to get back to Italy, my planned destination, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more, but this too, has been a journey of time.

I worked hard; I bought new guidebooks; I learned a new language, and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans change, like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends.

Some of these fellow travellers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many encouraged me; many taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I discovered a community of caring - Holland wasn't so bad!

I think that Holland is used to wayward travellers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, assist and support newcomers. Over the years, I have wondered what life would have been like if I had landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today?

Sure, this journey has been more challenging, and at times, I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. Yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too, and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland and its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts. I have come to love Holland and call it home.

I have become a world traveller and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land; what is more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely things that Holland, or any land, has to offer. Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!